Self-Doubt is a common challenge that is faced by so many people.
It creeps into all aspects of our lives! From work, to relationships, to success and even with money. It thrives on low self-esteem and manifests in a variety of ways in my mind, body, heart and spirit.
Did you know that 85% of individuals suffer from low self-esteem?
This has a significant impact on your ability to believe in yourself, causing self-doubt, anxiety and overwhelm. Often times, this low-self-esteem is due to experiencing some kind of trauma early in your life.
It’s the emotional energy of that self-doubt, fear, and lack of self-esteem that gets trapped in the cells of your body. This dis-ease in your body can manifest into disease over time. And if the pain in your body becomes chronic, this pain body can take on a life of its own. You can even get addicted to this pain body because it’s what’s “known” to you. It is what’s “familiar” to your subconscious brain and has become the go-to pattern in your neural pathways. Even if the “familiar” is terribly uncomfortable or even excruciating, it’s where your subconscious mind will take you in times of stress.
The key here is to recognize what are the pain patterns you are consistently experiencing. You’ll need to look deeper beneath the surface of what makes that trauma pattern “familiar” to your brain, so you can begin to release it and replace it with healing, self-confidence and self-love instead.
What I’ve found in my 20 years of working with clients, and through all the research and study I’ve done, is the emotional residue left behind in the wake of these traumas is at the heart of the issue. When trauma isn’t effectively resolved and processed through the body, it gets stuck in your system. And it’s this stuckness that is the cause of so much illness, upset and disease in our lives.
And the kicker? Often times, we inherit these emotional residue patterns from our family of origin, particularly from our mothers.
The science of Epigenetics shows us that these family trauma patterns can impact the body for 3 or more generations, creating a cascade of self-doubt!
So, as you look at the source of your own self-doubt, fears and lack of self-esteem, imagine the generational traumas that your mother faced. Or your grandmother, or your great grandmother, or your great, great grandmother….
You get the idea. Mind blowing!
These fears, these limiting beliefs that we carry about ourselves, our worth, our value? Well, they get created in a flash as a child, and continue to live within your subconscious. They stay there neatly filed away, running in your background operating system until you identify them and consciously release them from your mind, heart, and spirit.
And yet, we have an idyllic concept that our mother is always supposed be loving, nurturing and kind. But the truth is, your mother is human too. She has her flaws and her foibles just like the rest of us. And, her unspoken traumas as well. I’d like to believe that most of the time, your mother is doing the best she knows how to do in each moment, with the information she has at hand.
This however does not excuse any of the traumatic behaviors you may have endured in your life. But, perhaps it can give you a different perspective from which to view the events of your childhood with more compassion and understanding. Or even forgiveness of the situation.
The choice is always yours. The more you can free yourself from these patterns though, the lighter you will feel.
There are some distinctive parenting themes that tend to create a person’s underlying self-doubt, lack of self-esteem and fear that I’ve seen through the years.
Keep reading to learn the 10 ways your mother’s actions shaped who you are today.
You will also learn some keys to releasing the beliefs you adopted in your childhood or were passed along genetically to you through generational trauma.
Reflect and see if your mother exhibited any of these kinds of behaviors towards you when you were growing up. With this understanding, you can then begin to trace your self-doubt back to its root causes and eliminate what’s been holding you back for far too long.
Which of these behaviors did you mother demonstrate to you as a child that fostered your self-doubt?
- Overly critical or judgmental of you leaving you feeling like you’re not good enough?
- Never acknowledged you or your accomplishments?
- Rarely made you feel special for who you are, just as you are, unconditionally?
- Didn’t give you enough time and attention, leaving you feeling like your voice didn’t matter or you didn’t matter?
- Left you feeling rejected, excluded or even abandoned?
- Had a negative attitude of the “glass is half empty”, or “something’s wrong”, or was always “waiting for the other shoe to drop”?
- Had impossibly high standards and was a perfectionist in the things she did, and her expectations of you?
- Made herself feel better at your expense by putting you down, ridiculing you or gaslighting you to make herself feel better or superior?
- Was a chameleon and a people pleaser to keep the peace in the house?
- Was overly emotional, angry, or abusive and tried to control everything?
It’s important to know that you’re not alone! We all have experienced self-doubt at different moments in life. It’s when it becomes chronic and keeps you from achieving your full potential that can be a sign it’s time to get some support. Learning how you can begin to dismantle the limiting beliefs you’ve been telling yourself is key. Replacing those negative self-beliefs with empowering, positive self-talk and self-love, is where the healing begins.
Here’s a simple first step, take the Self-Doubt Finder Quiz to identify which of the 5 Self-Doubt ArchetypesTM are holding you back.
With understanding comes power.
The power to reclaim your confidence, own your self-worth and receive the recognition and compensation for your contributions.
Remember, your mind is elastic!
You can change your negative beliefs and habits and upgrade them for greater happiness, self-confidence and peace of mind, so that you can break the family cycles of trauma once and for all.
Michele Molitor, C-Hyp is a certified coach and hypnotherapist and co-author of “Breakthrough Healing.” For 20 years, she has worked with talented, professional women and men, helping them overcome imposter syndrome and reclaim their confidence to create a thriving career and life. Connect with her directly to help eliminate your anxiety and limiting self-beliefs from your mindset once and for all.